While writing my YA medieval/adventure romance novels, I faced
a bit of a moral conundrum. Should I include kissing in books geared toward Christian teens? I don’t think that
kissing should be done recreationally or taken lightly. Therefore, in today’s
culture, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that sixteen and seventeen-year-olds
jump on the kissing bandwagon, and I certainly wouldn’t want younger
teenage readers to think that I’m encouraging them to experiment with kissing.
On the other hand, I’m not sure that the “purity” and
“courtship” fanatics have gotten this issue right either. Song of Solomon recommends
that young women not “awake love before it pleases.” This is smart. Before a
young innocent woman becomes awakened sexually, it is pretty easy to stay pure.
Once that awakening process has begun, usually through kisses and embraces, it becomes
more challenging to maintain godly morals.
However, I don’t think the honeymoon night is the right time
to BEGIN that awakening process either. For one thing, it’s just too late and
too much pressure on a bride. In addition, I think that before you make a permanent
decision like marriage (among other more important issues) you should at least
take into consideration the level of physical attraction. While it is wise to
base a relationship on a strong friendship, there also needs to be that reasonable
spark of attraction or else marital intimacy could be very awkward. If there is no
physical contact (i.e. kissing), that can be hard to assess. So I would say
that once you start seriously dating with an eye towards marriage, perhaps in
your late teens or early twenties, and once the friendship is on solid ground, kissing
is fine. (Okay, let's fact it, kissing is great!)
Which brings me back to my medieval series. The medieval
culture was different from our culture today. Girls typically married during
their teen years, and my heroines are clearly headed in that direction. So my
final decision was that they needed to experience some kisses with their
potential mates, and that it would be appropriate to include a bit of kissing
in my books.
Besides, everyone loves a good kiss!
P.S. For a good balanced perspective on the concerns
surrounding kissing, check out this article. I especially like the way they
continually encourage you to seek guidance from the Holy Spirit.
What are your views on kissing? Have you been exposed to any of the anti-kissing or courtship schools of thought? How did you feel about it?
